- Nineteen Eighty-Four
How to take out your sexual frustrations: try to start a communist revolution – The proles are the future!
- Pride and Prejudice
I thought he was awful but it turns out he’s okay, now we’re married.
- The Great Gatsby
That long-lost love should’ve stayed lost.
- To Kill a Mockingbird
Racism is bad (who’s the creepy white dude Boo?) and don’t be prejudice because that’s bad too.
- Wuthering Heights
She’s dead but I still love her more than you oh shit was that her ghost just now?
- Jane Eyre
I’ll marry you if you don’t tell anyone about my pyro wife living in the attic.
- Moby Dick
This book is so long sometimes they print it with bible paper.
- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
A world where children scam other children to win a bible competition.
- The Catcher in the Rye
Growing up is hard okay…
- Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
…so I’m gonna drink tea and get high, bye y’all!