- Nineteen Eighty-Four
The how-to guide to taking out your sexual frustrations – “The proles are the future!”
- Pride and Prejudice
I thought he was awful but it turns out he’s okay, now we’re married. The End.
- The Great Gatsby
That long-lost love should’ve stayed lost.
- To Kill a Mockingbird
Racism is bad, I can’t believe some people needed a whole book to understand that.
- Wuthering Heights
She’s dead but I still prefer her over you, sorry.
- Jane Eyre
I’ll marry you if you don’t tell anyone about my pyro wife living in the attic.
- Moby Dick
This book is so long sometimes they print it using bible paper.
- The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
A world where children scam other children to win a Bible competition.
- The Catcher in the Rye
Growing up is hard okay!
- Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
…so I’m gonna drink tea and get high, bye y’all!